Kids love to play hide and seek, and my two grand kids are no different. At two and four they are quite the champion hide and seekers. Now most kids don't like to be "it". So I couldn't quite figure out why my grandson always WANTED to be "it" until I overheard a conversation he had with his little sister. She was crying because she didn't want to be "it", and like any of us have done, (or still do), she said she didn't want to play anymore. That's when I heard big brother tell her, " Violet, it's SO easy to find grandma. All you have to do is find Puppy and that's where grandma is hiding!" As i picked my hiding spot I looked down and sure enough, there was Puppy, tag wagging like a beacon flag, announcing my position. I tried to shew him away, but he only wagged his tail harder and began to dance around and bark. So much for hiding. We laughed about it when Violet "found" me, and Ezra said, "Grandma, Puppy sure loves you, he follows you everywhere."
This thought struck me later. I love Jesus. I follow him everywhere. But when people find me do they also find Jesus? Or am I an obstacle in their path. Do the people who know me know that where I am, Jesus is near by? Do my friends and family know when they are faced with a hard situation or difficulty in their lives, that they can call me for encouragement and prayer? Do they know I follow Jesus.
What if someone followed me around all day with a video camera like they do on those annoying reality TV shows? What if they documented my every word, facial expression and action. What if they showed that footage to the world? Would they see that I was following Jesus?
And that's where my heart just sinks. You see I want to be a Mom that is peaceful, but I become fearful and irritated when my teenager makes bad choices. I want to be a grandmother who is patient, but I become exhausted with the constant correction and teaching of obeying. I want to be a person of gentleness and and self control, but then when I'm driving in my car I hear myself say to the car in front of me, "What are you doing? First day driving?" I am convicted. It's hard being a die hard Christian when my sinful nature keeps getting in the way. I wish that loving Jesus somehow transformed me into a person that was perfect all the time.
Here is the good news! The gospel is so strong, it is so powerful, that the person telling it does not need to be perfect. Jesus's power is not limited to my performance. That truly is good news, because this earthly body of mine is prone to sin just like everyone else. And maybe that's the point. Maybe the gift is in the fact that Jesus is for everyone. Even broken me. I can follow him and mess up and there is grace. So much grace. I follow Jesus not to be perfect, but to love him perfectly. I can say, "hey, I'm not perfect, but let me introduce you to someone who is."
When I am hiding I want Jesus to be the one that rats me out. Whether it be my passions, my gifts, or my self pity. Psalm 139 says, O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord.
As I wander through the house making circles through the rooms, Puppy is right at my feet. The family jokes about this, but now it reminds me something else. It reminds me of how the Lord never leaves my side. As my grandson said, "Puppy sure loves you, he follows you everywhere." And now I can say, "God sure loves me, he follows me everywhere."