Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names can never harm me. Isn't that the way the old saying goes?
Well sticks hurt..... A couple weeks ago my grand-kids came to stay with me for 5 days while their parents were out of town. They were not gone but 15 minutes and the two little ones retreated to the backyard. Within one minute of being outside the littlest one tripped over a stick and loud cries could be heard echoing off the back walls. I picked her up in my arms and soothed her tender heart. I searched her body for the damage, quickly checked her mouth for blood, and found scratches, red and swollen on her legs. I promptly cleaned her leg while talking to her in soothing tones but it was only after applying the proper princess band aid, did I see the real damage. Looking into her eyes, I saw a huge big black lump between them. My heart sank. No wonder she was crying inconsolably. Throughout the week there were more "head banging" accidents. Piling into the car my grand daughter slipped and fell backward onto the pavement. Walking on the path to the lake, she slipped and slid down the gravel hill on her back. All I could think when I took her to church, or thought about her parents return, was what will people think? Those sticks and stones had left their mark on her. Visible evidence to hurt, harm and pain.
Stones hurt....... I few years ago I dropped a sheet of Masonite on my big toe. I cried out in pain. I pronounced my pain to everyone in the house to make sure they knew of my great distress. They shrugged their shoulders. Perhaps I am a drama queen and no one took me seriously. My toe turned black immediately. Still they were unmoved for sympathy. I had to go to work, I had to put a shoe on my foot. I am a server and I am moving on my feet all night. I cried silently to myself throughout my whole shift. When I finally got home and removed my shoe, my sock was full of blood. The next morning, after not sleeping at all, I went to the doctor. This was by far the greatest pain I had ever felt. (may I remind you that I had five babies.) The doctor was unsympathetic. She told me to go next door, walk about a half a mile to the X ray place, and get an x ray. I thought she was crazy. I could barely walk! After the x ray the technician came in with a wheelchair and said, you cant walk, you poor thing. I am going to take a short cut back to the doctors office and I will try not to make any sudden moves or bumps. Huh? Upon entering the room the doctor greeted me with a big glass of water and a pillow to place under my foot. She apologized and told me to just try to relax, she knew how much pain I must be in. Huh? Well the x rays showed that I had crushed all the bones in my big toe, and the doctor was moved to compassion only after the x ray proved worthy. The pressure had built up so much in that toe that the skin had split to relieve the pressure. I was fitted with a boot and told to stay off my foot. As I walked through the front door with my boot on my foot, my children gazed upon me and I felt vindicated. Visible evidence to hurt, harm and pain. Stones hurt.
Everything I have done for 3 years has taken thought and effort to avoid the pain to my toe. I was paralyzed from wearing shoes, running, walking and sleeping, or if heaven forbid, the sheets touched my toe. It took a year for the nail to grow back only to have to have it removed again because the trauma to the toe caused it to grow back wrong. I still struggle with the remnants of that trauma to the toe and nail. And that's what a wound does to you. The Webster dictionary defines a wound in a few ways. But the one I want to talk about is definition 2 and 3. It states.... "A feeling of sadness, anger etc, that is caused by something bad that has happened to you. Or, a mental or emotional hurt or blow."
The problem with these kinds of wounds, unlike a physical wound, is they are not readily visible to others. They are deep, and hidden in the dark sticky places in our soul. And they are excruciatingly painful. They paralyze us. They steal our joy. Sometimes an emotional wound takes all our thought and effort to avoid the pain. They shatter us into a thousand pieces and extinguish any hope.
Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but words can never harm me. That is what we said. That is what we told our children. But it's not true. Words hurt. Words hurt in ways that no physical wound ever could. Part of that hurt is because we tuck them deep inside us. They hurt our heart. They paralyze us. But no one sees these hurts. No one, until they brush up against it and are left wondering what happened. There is no x ray to prove the damage they cause, and so they remain hidden. And when they are hidden, they don't get the treatment and healing that they need. That is what makes these wounds so severe.
Words have power. God spoke the world into exsistence by the power of his words. We are created in his image in part because of the power we have with the words we speak. The power we have with words can actually crush ones spirit. They can intensify a wound or even inflict one. The power to use words is a unique gift from God, and of all the creatures of the earth, we are the only ones that can communicate through the spoken word.
The bible has much to say on this power of words and the tongue. “But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned” (Matthew 12:36–37). Words are so important to God, that we will have to give an account of what we say when we come face to face with Jesus. Wow, when I read that I am convicted. I have hurt people with my careless words, and in anger I have lashed out and used them as a weapon. Words hurt.........
Mathew 12:34-35 states, " You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? for the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. A good man brings good things out of the good things stored up in him, and the evil man brings up evil things of the evil stored up in him." The words we speak are an overflow of what is in our heart.
My heart has been broken by words carelessly spoken to me. Some of those wounds are deep, and some I have been trying to heal for years. I also, have hurt others, people I love, with words of bitterness, complaining or criticism, and I know it has grieved God's heart deeply.
I am trying to be authentic with my words. I am trying to guard my tongue from using it as a weapon. I am striving to build up, encourage and bless others with the powerful gift God has given me. Sticks and Stones may break my bones, and they do. But words CAN harm me and others. We may not always see the damage, the aftermath of our arsenal of careless hurtful words, but God knows their power. The power to destroy. Our words should demonstrate the power of God's grace, and evidence of the Holy Spirit living inside of us.
I picture my one year old grand daughter, with her black and blue bruise on her face, and I am deeply moved to compassion. May God open my eyes to see the bruises on others that careless words have left, and may I be equally moved to comfort and compassion.